Own It

The more I delve into the world of personal development, the more I understand what people mean when they say "you are your own worst enemy". We really do fight ourselves at every turn and so it's no wonder that so many of us experience anxiety, doubt and depression. If we insist on resisting our own thoughts, feelings and natural wants, life is going to feel very difficult.

I'm going to refer to a specific incident that happened to me recently. It's what got me headed down this thought process. I did something that could have been considered "wrong". I personally don't believe I did something terrible because I did it out of pride and the action came from a good place, however I acknowledge that others may strongly disagree. I am a violin teacher and I take great pride in my work. I love what I do and I am very invested in my students, as all teachers are. I love to show off what my students are learning and achieving and so I posted a short video of 2 of my students playing a duet on instagram. I didn't stop to think that this might not be ok - I was just so proud!

After posting the video, a couple of months went by and I sort of forgot that I had posted it and this is the danger with social media - once it's out there, we tend not to think about it again. What I had done greatly upset the parents of one of the children and they terminated lessons with me immediately. I was absolutely stunned! I cried for almost a full day and I felt awful - like I had done something unforgiveable.

I spent a week going over and over the situation in my head. Why had I been so stupid and thoughtless? Why didn't I think to ask for permission? Was I a criminal? What could I have done differently? What can I do to fix it?

Then I would spend ages trying to justify what I had done to myself. "I posted it because I was proud", "I didn't mean any harm", "other teachers do it all the time".

I was going around in circles and I wasn't getting any relief. I was so strongly attached to this situation and I could not escape. That was when I realised that there is a difference between blaming yourself and taking ownership. I was blaming myself - beating myself up for what I had done. Pointing the finger and telling myself I was a terrible person. Resisting. I slowly started to take ownership and responsibility for what I had done. In my eyes, posting the video was innocent, but my thoughts aren't the only thoughts in the world - those parents were well within their rights to be unhappy with me and I had to allow them that without resisting it and thinking it was unfair. I also have to acknowledge that I did something questionable - it wasn't outwardly wrong but it was in a grey area.

I suddenly felt liberated and at peace. I own what I did - I messed up but it's ok and I learned something from it. I e-mailed the parents to acknowledge their feelings, apologise for what I had done and to wish them well. Now I can let go.

I feel so stongly that this practice can work in all areas of our lives - why must we always fight what we think is wrong? You want to eat the pizza? Eat the pizza! You want to feel sad? Feel sad, own it and move on. We all know how frustrating it is when somebody else is putting up resistance to everything you say and do, so why do it to ouselves? Taking ownership of our feelings, thoughts and actions is not easy to do but it is so incredibly empowering.

Stop fighting and accept. Take responsibility and take ownership.