All or Nothing

The struggle of the "all or nothing" attitude. I hear this statement thrown around constantly and I completely get it. I have a tendency to be "all or nothing" and it's taken me a really long time to figure out why this is. When I was studying for my Masters degree in London, I made a rule for myself. I HAD to be in my practise room by 8am every morning (I was studying violin) and it was much easier for me to stick to my rule than it was for me to take each day as it came. I still stick to my own rules. I wake up between 5:30am and 6:30 am every morning to workout, my schedule unfolds each week like a play that has been performed hundreds of times - I feel like I probably pass the same cars when I drive to work each day!

In certain areas of life I believe that habits are necessary. I love my habit of getting up early to exercise and I am grateful for my habit of going to bed at 10pm every night. However, "all or nothing" can be a dangerous attitude when it comes to certain areas of life. Exercise, diet, work and liesure time all need to be regulated so that we can achieve sustainability.

The diet industry makes millions off the fact that human nature pulls us towards the "all or nothing" way of life. We are so good at cutting "bad" foods out of our lives for a period of time but when we are "allowed" these foods back into our diets we can go a little crazy. Exercise and movement creates the foundation for a healthy and functioning body, but if we over-exercise, we're at risk of injury. If we work too much there is no time for anything else, but if we don't work enough, self-esteem is effected and, of course, finances.

It is my belief that this "all or nothing" syndrome stems from a fundamental lack of trust in oneself. When I was in an "all" mode, I could eat pizza and dessert every day, which led to endless guilt and self-loathing; when it was "nothing", I felt deprived and hungry, resulting in bad moods, lack of energy, poor sleep and the list goes on.

A few years ago I was accepting every job and gig that came my way - I was working 12-14 hour days, never seeing my family or friends and I ended up crashing - physically and emotionally. Following that, I went to the opposite extreme and became bored, a little depressed and broke. Extremes can be hazardous and the only way we can avoid them is to find balance. The only way we can find balance is to earn trust in ourselves.

We all know that to earn the trust of another person, our words have to match our actions. The more this happens, the more people know they can trust and rely on us. We need to do the same with ourselves. The promises we make to ourselves need to be kept so that when we do stray from time to time, we trust ourselves enough to know that it won't happen EVERY time.

It's not easy, but it's easier than being in a consant state of anxiety, guilt, self-loathing, deprivation, indulgence and all the other useless emotions we feel when going at something with an "all or nothing" attitude. You may be thinking that this is very easy for me to say, but it was long road building trust in myself and I still have my moments when I can feel myself slipping back in to my old ways. I just have to remind myself that it's OK, I've got this - tomorrow will be better.

If you're struggling with this and you need to build a little bit of trust between your mind and your body, just start by making one small promise to yourself. Think of something you always say you won't do, but then do anyway and beat yourself up about it for days. Make this promise to yourself again - but this time keep it. Just this once. Tell yourself you can break it again the next time, but this time you're going to keep it. I guarantee you will feel so good, you'll feel the trust in yourself grow, and when the same moment comes around again, it will be even easier... until it's just easy.