Little Miss Yes

Ok this title is slightly misleading because I am most definitely NOT "Little Miss Yes". I used to be. I cured myself of this a really long time ago because for me, happiness has always been the ultimate goal. When I was working 14/15 hour days, every single day, my body gave in and I knew I had to slow down. I was only 27 when it happened and by the time I was 28 I was working reasonable hours and enjoying a fair work/life balance - maybe even a little too heavy on the "life" side.

Recently I completed Chalene Johnson's 30 Day Push Challenge. It's a motivational and organisational tool that really helps you get your mind in order. It was really useful for me because I had found myself wafting aimlessly through life with no set goals or particular dreams I was trying to achieve.

Chalene Johnson brings up this point of learning how to say "no". This one is a no-brainer for me, but we all get roped in to doing things that, at the end of the day, we don't want to be doing, or don't actually have time for. Just today, I was caught off guard, asked to do something on a day that is already crazy busy, it's happening somewhere I don't even need to be- but I was like a deer in headlights and before I was even given a chance to think about it, somehow, I had agreed to it. In fact, now that I think back, I don't even think I was offered a choice. I feel violated!

The lesson here is not to say "no" to everything, but to think critically about why you should be saying "yes". For me, I always ask the following questions:

Do I have to say yes?

Do I need to say yes?

Do I want to say yes?

Do I have time for "this"?

First prize is that you say yes because you want to, but early on in most careers you kind of have to do things just because you're paying your dues and building a name for yourself. In my line of work, I have to say yes to things regularly because if I don't, I might slip of the radar. Eventually that might be ok too, but not just yet.

Learning not accept every opportunity was a really difficult lesson for me. I was one of those people who wore my "busy-ness" like a badge of honour. Gold star for me - I was working every possible minute that I could. At the end of it all, I got really ill, the world carried on just fine whilst I was stuck at home feeling like crap, and hardly anybody even called to find out how I was, or if I was even still alive! Yes, I was working extra hard to make extra money, but was it worth it? NO. I'm a big believer in earning enough to be able to sleep at night. I can eat, pay my bills, travel and have a little fun. Yes I want my finances to keep growing and evolving as I do, but I'm not a money chaser - it's just not my top priority.

After this whole experience, I decided I needed to cut back. I started saying no to more gigs and focused more on the teaching side of my career. That was my bread and butter, steady, reliable income so I decided it made sense to make the most of that. As many humans might, I went completely in the opposite direction and it turned out I wasn't working enough. My father had passed away and I was broken. I felt I deserved time to mourn, and I couldn't seem to give any love the work I was doing. I was only teaching in the afternoons (during which time I'd spend every minute wishing that the day would just end), which meant my mornings were spent doing nothing - I got even more depressed. This was my entire 2012. A dark year that taught me so much.

2013 was a turning point for me. I DECIDED to change my attitude. I felt a shift happening - a very clear realisation that if I continued on this negative downward spiral, it would never end. That's not me at all - I'm up, positive and laughing too loudly most of the time. It was going to be a choice. I needed to change my attitude - I had to WANT to enjoy my work. I interviewed for a new job and got it. I, along with a colleague did a recruitment drive for new violin students at one of the schools I work at and it was a huge success. I took on almost 60 students that year. I had decided that I was going to work hard, but on my terms. I wanted a good nights rest and I wanted my evenings free. I would teach from 9am till 5pm and that was that. It's enough - in fact, it's a lot. Since, then it's been a steady climb, losing and gaining students now and then and just being consistent. Finding a routine that worked for me was absolutely key - mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. I. choose. Me.

I simply do not have time for people who go on about how busy they are. Do they honestly think anybody else is going think they're some kind of hero? or do they do it so that THEY can think they are some kind of hero? I don't have sympathy for it (obviously there are exceptions) because I've done it and I was wise enough to change it, and I certainly don't respect it. You're not doing anyone any good but burning yourself out - you're not doing yourself any good!

This is where I love Chalene's idea of "reverse engineering" your goal. Write down your idea of what you believe is your perfect day. How can you have that day every day? Work backwards from that and figure it out. From now on I think I am just going reverse engineer every decision that comes my way! It's so liberating when you finally feel the strength to choose your own lifestyle. I'm not saying that people shouldn't work hard. I'm saying we need to find the ever-elusive balance. I haven't quite found it yet but I have to say, what I've got going isn't so bad.

It's definitely out there somewhere.